- “We’ve been trying for a long time to get our daughter to reduce her phone use, but without success. We’re constantly stuck in a vicious cycle of bans and rewards.”

- “When endlessly negotiating about gaming time, our son always promises to follow the rules but keeps breaking them, and we as parents are completely exhausted by it.”

The feeling of powerlessness in raising teenagers is a complex phenomenon stemming from an interplay of biological, psychological, social, and cultural factors:

Developmental Changes in Adolescence
Teenagers’ brains undergo extensive restructuring, especially in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive functions such as decision-making, impulse and emotional control, and foreseeing consequences. Since this part of the brain develops until the early 20s, it leads to impulsive behavior, emotional instability, and difficulties with long-term planning. Parents may feel powerless when their teenager resists advice or behaves recklessly, as this behavior is often not conscious rebellion but part of developmental processes.
Puberty also brings hormonal changes that affect mood and behavior. Elevated levels of estrogen, testosterone, and stress hormones can cause mood swings, irritability, or intense emotions—often misunderstood by parents, increasing their sense of powerlessness.
Teenagers naturally strive for independence as part of identity formation, often rejecting parental advice or rules, which parents interpret as a loss of control.

Changes in Family Dynamics
Raising teenagers requires a shift from the authoritative parenting typical of childhood toward a more partnership-based relationship, which many parents find challenging.
During childhood, parents are usually the main source of guidance and decision-making. In adolescence, teenagers begin to question parental authority, leading to conflict. Parents may feel as though their words no longer carry weight.
Teenagers often become less talkative or withdraw from family conversations. This is part of their pursuit of privacy and independence, but parents may experience it as rejection or emotional distance. Lack of open communication makes it harder to understand teens’ needs, increasing the feeling of having little influence.
Parents and teenagers often hold different views on responsibilities, freedom, and rules. Parents expect rules to be respected, while teenagers seek more freedom. These discrepancies can lead to constant conflict, draining parents’ energy.
Teenagers tend to be emotionally intense and may provoke guilt or threaten rejection. Parents without clear internal boundaries often give in to such pressure. If a parent reacts impulsively, they may loosen boundaries to reduce their own emotional discomfort.
Inconsistency between parents creates opportunities for manipulation. If one parent gives in, the other often loses authority. Unclear rules and inconsistency lead to frustration on both sides.

External Influences
During adolescence, peers become a key source of social validation, so teenagers often prioritize peer opinions over parental advice, placing parents in a subordinate position. This is reflected in ignoring parental guidance in favor of peer norms.
Besides peer influence, social media also shapes teenagers’ self-image, values, and behavior. Parents often feel powerless when trying to limit screen time or counteract content promoting values different from their own.
Modern society sets high expectations for academic performance, social popularity, or career prospects. When teenagers fail to meet these standards, parents may experience feelings of failure in their parenting.

Parents’ Personal Insecurities
Parents fear losing connection with their child if they are strict or set boundaries. As teenagers become more independent and distant, some parents loosen boundaries in order to remain a “friend” rather than an authority figure.
Many parents are raising a teenager for the first time and lack sufficient knowledge about adolescent development. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially when facing unfamiliar challenges such as mental health struggles or risky behaviors.
Parents dealing with stress, anxiety, or personal issues have less emotional energy to handle teenage challenges. An overworked parent may find it harder to make time for deep conversations.
Social media and conversations with other parents can lead to comparison, increasing feelings of inadequacy. Seeing others with seemingly “perfect” teenagers can leave parents feeling less competent.
Parents often take personal responsibility for their teen’s difficulties, increasing their sense of powerlessness. When a teen resists or behaves problematically, parents may interpret it as a reflection of their own failure, leading to self-blame.
Parents who grew up in dysfunctional families or lacked positive parenting role models may feel unprepared for the challenges of raising teens. Without clear reference points for conflict management or boundary-setting, they may feel lost.
Parents’ fear of making the wrong decisions—possibly worsening the relationship or negatively impacting the teen’s development—can be paralyzing. This fear may also stem from societal pressure to raise “successful” children.

Socio-Cultural Context and Historical Changes
Compared to previous generations, when parents had a more authoritative role, today’s parents often strive for more democratic and empathetic parenting. This shift can cause confusion as parents seek balance between guidance and freedom.
Parents today are exposed to an overwhelming amount of parenting information—from books to online content. Conflicting advice (e.g., about boundaries or handling teen emotions) can create confusion and the sense that no decision is the right one.
Urbanization, smaller families, and reduced involvement of extended family mean that parents often lack the broader support network available to earlier generations. Isolation in the parenting role increases feelings of helplessness, as parents may lack someone to turn to for advice or emotional support.

Specific Challenges of Adolescence in Modern Times
Increased rates of anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues among teens pose new challenges, as many parents lack the knowledge to recognize or address these struggles.
Beyond social media’s impact on self-image and behavior, parents also face issues such as cyberbullying, exposure to inappropriate content, or digital addiction. Limiting or monitoring these influences is extremely difficult, especially since teenagers often know more about technology than their parents.

Strategies for Strengthening Parents’ Ability to Guide Teens Toward Balanced Use of Digital Devices:

1. Building Open Communication
- Non-judgmental listening: Instead of jumping into solutions, listen and show understanding. For example: “What do you enjoy about this video game or social platform?”
- Open-ended questions: Ask “How do you feel when you’re on social media?” instead of “Why are you always on your phone?”
- Regular conversations: Establish routines—family dinners, car rides, walks—where everyday topics, including technology use, can be discussed.
      
2. Setting Clear but Flexible Boundaries
- Mutual agreements: Involve the teen in creating rules, e.g., regarding phone use or online behavior.
- Consistency: Apply the rules consistently while showing understanding for minor slip-ups.
- Managing emotional pressure: Withstand unpleasant emotions or emotional blackmail related to screen limits. Show empathy but uphold agreements.
- Praise positive behavior: Acknowledge when the teen respects the rules, e.g., “I appreciate that you put your phone away on time today.”
      
3. Strengthening Emotional Connection
- Shared activities: Find screen-free activities such as hiking, cooking, or board games.
- Empathy: Show understanding for digital-related challenges, e.g.: “I see how important staying connected with your friends online is. How can I help you balance that with school?”
      
4. Monitoring and Guiding Digital Behavior
- Digital literacy education: Discuss safe internet use, identifying misinformation, and social media’s impact on self-image.
- Agreement on screen time: Set reasonable limits together, e.g., no phones after 9 PM. Use monitoring apps if needed.
- Being a role model: Parents should reduce their own screen use during family time to model balanced behavior.
- Co-engagement: Explore games or apps together. Play a game or ask about favorite influencers to better understand their world.
      
5. Seeking Support
- Professional help: If digital use leads to significant conflict or signs of addiction, consider consulting specialists.
- Parent groups: Join communities where parents share strategies for digital challenges.
- Self-care: Maintain your own emotional stability through exercise, relaxation, or conversations with friends to better manage teenage challenges.